


Because Of You

by shadowhive



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Sibling Incest, letter writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 10:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21014366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowhive/pseuds/shadowhive
Summary: For their 50th anniversary Mikey decides to write Gerard a letter letting him know how he feels, but it’s not as easy as he’d thought it would be.





	Because Of You

**Author's Note:**

> Done for a writing challenge prompt thing from twitter. It’s been sitting in my documents for awhile so I figured I’d post it now
> 
> Back to kinktober later

Mikey Way had never exactly been the best at expressing his feelings through words. He often found he got himself muddled, or lost track of what he wanted to say. Or, as was his current problem, having trouble actually finding the write words.

He sighed, setting his pen down and reaching up, rubbing at the bridge of his nose as he tried to get his focus back. What had possessed him to suggest this idea in the first place? He ran his fingers through his hair, which was now threaded with silver strands and took a deep breath, trying to focus himself.

He was supposed to be writing from the heart and yet he was constantly overthinking it, wanting it to be perfect. The waste paper basket beside his desk was half full now with balls of crumpled paper from earlier attempts at writing this and he was sure that this one would join them sooner or later. Maybe that was for the best.

He glanced at over at his phone, which was standing in its charging cradle, the screen almost as thin as the sheets of paper he was using. He’d put it there so that it wouldn’t be a distraction, but now he was thinking of calling one of the others for advice. After all Frank had wrote more songs in his various other bands then he ever did with mcr and he seemed to have no trouble getting his feelings across. (Even though he had the annoying habit of changing the name for his group so many times there were two dozen different variations on his playlist.) 

Ray would probably say something terribly earnest, telling him what he already knew. ‘Write from your heart Mikey, write exactly what you feel, that’s what he wants.”

Ok. Mikey took a breath, looking down at the sheet of paper, his eyes scanning over what he’d written. When he’d written it it felt like it made sense but now it just looked too rambly. “Fuck it.” He grabbed the paper, screwing it up and tossing it, deciding to start over again.

Why had he suggested to do this written by hand instead of typed up? Oh yeah, for the old fashioned romance of it. He cursed himself as he tapped the pen to his chin, considering how to start this time. 

After a few moments thought he started to write.

‘50 years ago my life changed because of you, because you told me that you loved me. I’d felt the same, but hid my feelings, never once imagining you’d share my feelings. I still remember that night, the way you held me so tight as we kissed for the first time.’

Most of his attempts started with variations of that, but from there things often went wrong. He’d get to lost in how he’d felt before hand, how he had been scared to admit how he felt, worried about being rejected and losing him forever. Whenever he caught himself doing that he stopped and instantly binned it.

A few others went into how he’d felt later. The anxiety he felt, having to sneak around and hide, not being able to do any of the things that normal couples did. They’d not even been able to kiss without making sure they were somewhere alone and that had gotten to him. He’d remembered the anxiety, the fear, the depression about having to keep their relationship a secret from those that mattered most. 

Others went into the period they had an open relationship and how that had just made things more complicated and awkward. Bert, Bob, Frank, Pete, Ray, Worm. He’d ended up going into tangents about them all before realising that wasn’t the point of all of this and starting over.

So he had to avoid those pitfalls and come up with something else. It took him a little while, but eventually his pen returned to the paper.

‘Because of you I’ve learned a lot, about myself, about the meaning of love.’

About the things you can do with your tongue. He was glad he didn’t right that one down, even though it was true.

‘Because of you we started a band that meant we could see the world. Because of you I was able to make comics, something we always dreamed of. I have a lot to thank you for and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully express that.

The most important think, though, is that you’ve loved me. Unconditionally, no matter what. You helped me through my addictions, through my depression and you’ve always stayed with me no matter what. For that I will always love you.

15 years ago you made me the happiest man alive. We were finally able to get married, something I never thought we’d ever be able to do. It was only fitting that we’d do it on the anniversary of our first kiss. You looked so handsome and I’ll remember that day forever, finally being able to celebrate our love openly like everyone else.

I love you Gerard. I always will.

Your brother and husband Mikey Way  
Xx’

Mikey smiled to himself, finally feeling satisfied with it. It wasn’t terribly long, but that was for the best. It meant he hadn’t rambled or lost his tangent. He sat his pen down, twisting the white gold wedding band around his ring finger in thought. He wondered how Gerard was doing with his. Had he had the same issues, or was he done already?

Well, he’d find out soon enough in a few short days.

Mikey carefully folded up the sheet of paper he’d been writing on, slipping it into an envelope and sealing it closed before writing his name on it, standing it up beside his desk lamp. When he stood up, he let out a soft groan, his bones aching. He wasn’t sure how Frank was still able to perform onstage like he did, because he was certain he’d need to sit if he had to play onstage again. Not that there was on plans for that any time soon. The last time he’d played for a crowd was the last tour of the MCR reunion and so now he only played for himself or Gerard. 

That was an idea, maybe he could play him something too. He flexed his fingers, knowing he’d need to give them a rest before doing anything else with them and he decided that the best thing to do would be to make himself a coffee and rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are awesome


End file.
